Raymond Domenech Has That Je Ne Sais Quoi

Catherine Ringer may be the only person in France who hearts French national team manager Raymond Domenech besides his wife. The former porn star has a hit with her song Je Kiffe Raymond (I Fancy Raymond). How can you deny lyrics such as “If he attacked my penalty areas, I would be without defenders”? How can you deny that unibrow and “Time to make the doughnuts” ‘stache? I know I can’t.

It’s inexplicable how he still has a job after France’s performance in Euro 2008 and in the 2010 World Cup qualifiers. He must have pictures of Sébastien Chabal, Gerard Depardieu and a donkey running a train on President Sarkozy.

The song has raised his approval ratings despite his dismal record and non-existent appeal (if you believe his public relations adviser). Negative to zero is a start. If you must hear the song, you can find it here. Hope you like it when your ears get debacled.

It’s obvious to observers of the beautiful game in the US that Freddy Adu wasted too much time screwing around in the MLS and finger banging JoJo. He should have gone to an Italian, Dutch or French soccer academy where he could have developed his game at a top level as opposed to starring in a league that doesn’t do anything for players of his age and raw, undeveloped skill.

Adu’s been unable to secure a starting place in Portugal or France let alone regular playing time. Could this be the end of the boy wonder? Four Four Two takes a look at the premature demise of Freddy Adu.

Take Giuseppe Rossi of Villareal. Not only does he start for a La Liga (Spain) team but he’s also made his way onto the Italian national team. No small feat for a kid from Teaneck, New Jersey. His parents sent him to Italy in his teens and the results speak for themselves.

Adu’s not finished yet but he needs to establish himself somewhere and fast as opportunity is quickly passing him by. If his run of poor form and bad luck continues, he won’t even be able to bag a Kardashian. It’s not all bad. He’ll always have Ja Rule.

Acting A Fool Can Drive A Frenchman Crazy

Sensitive thugs, y’all need hugs.

Professional athletes should be commended for not running to rehab like politicians or actors when they get caught acting a fool. The offender’s team or agent writes an apology that the player couldn’t have written and everyone moves on besides the victim(s). Just ask Leonard Little and Chris Henry who made a “complete 360”. Someone should have explained this to French rugby player Mathieu Bastareaud before he checked himself into Le Looney Bin.

Bastareaud claimed that he was jumped and punched by five men while returning to his hotel after France played New Zealand in a test match last week. Not quite. You see what had really happened was he hit his head on a table after drinking too much. Want to try that again? It turns out he was acting a fool and one of his teammates settled him down by laying him out.

“Drunk and aggressive, Bastareaud was reportedly calmed down by a fist from one of his teammates,” the daily Le Parisien reported.

Bastareaud admittted lying about the incident. He thought he could cover up the truth but that didn’t work out so well. Instead of ending the situation with an apology and cover up from French rugby officials, he decided to check himself into a mental hospital for two weeks after suffering “serious psychological problems”. Stade Francais president Max Guazzini said the media pressure became too much for the player to take.

Maybe we’re being too hard on the kid. He is the cousin of Arsenal and France defender William Gallas who everyone agrees is batshit crazy. It’s not his fault. It’s in the blood.

Youri Djorkaeff Longs For The Days Of Right Said Fred

Where is Right Said Fred when you need them? Former French international Youri Djorkaeff obviously misses them. That has to be the only excuse for the atrocious tribute dug up by the Guardian yesterday. Djorkaeff is best known here for bailing on the New York Red Bulls (then known as the Metrostars) to go to a World Cup match while claiming he had “unexpected, serious family matters” in France. Hanging with Carl Winslow and Stefan Urquelle is no excuse. Just ask Charles Barkley.

Those pants. Why don’t I have a pair of those? You know Carl Winslow would love to Boss Sauce in those pants. This video screams for a couple of Congolese backup dancers and Grace Jones. Like the Jason Kidd video posted earlier this week, Jerkoff’s video is bad but it still doesn’t beat Andy Cole’s Outstanding. This song and video were released in 2006. Could this have been the reason why he went AWOL? If so, the team should sue him immediately.

So Baby Gimme That Toot Toot, Lemme Give You Lance’s Pee Pee

The French can’t quit Lance Armstrong. Their obsession to prove he’s a drug cheat has reached Detective John Kavanaugh proportions. They haven’t shown a thirst for vengeance like this since ever. If they had showed this much determination during WWII…

The French anti-doping authority has thrown down a challenge to the seven-time Tour de France champion, proposing he agree to retesting of his 1999 urine samples to see whether a French newspaper was right when it reported they contained traces of EPO, a banned blood-boosting hormone that enhances endurance.

Authority head Pierre Bordry insists that Armstrong “prove his good faith” and put the rumors to rest by agreeing to let them retest the 1999 samples. Of course, Bordry’s not bringing up the fact that the French are the ones keeping the rumors alive.

In drug testing, urine is divided into “A” and “B” samples, and both must show traces of a banned substance for the test to be declared positive.

Only remains from six “B” samples have been kept from Armstrong’s 1999 Tour, the French agency said. So even if the “B” samples came back positive in new testing, there are no “A” samples left against which to compare results.

Armstrong responded by claiming the samples were “compromised”.

…The conclusions of the investigation were that the 1998 and 1999 Tour de France samples have not been maintained properly, have been compromised in many ways, and even three years ago could not be tested to provide any meaningful results. There is simply nothing that I can agree to that would provide any relevant evidence about 1999.”

Who knows whether Lance did or didn’t dope during his cycling career. Far be it for us to defend or crucify him without knowing the facts. However, it does seem as though the French are out to get him. They haven’t been able to prove their case despite claiming evidence of EPO in his 2005 samples. It’s simple. Put up or shut up. The same goes for Tour de France president Jean-Etienne Amaury and Greg LeMond.

** It wouldn’t be right of us to reference the R without giving it to you.

Now That’s A Brawl

What’s wrong with athletes today? Fans pay to go to a sporting event and expect to be entertained by quality play and they end up watching a disaster unfold. This is why more and more people are being turned off by professional sports. I mean, really. What the hell are they wearing? That’s just disgusting.

Baseball could learn a lot from this fight. For starters, don’t rush out there unless you intend to make good and actually fight. Running to the mound to mill around sends the wrong message to kids about following through and commitment.

There’s Nothing Like Team Unity

It’s the one thing when sports organizations talk about everyone working towards one goal from the owner to the support staff. It’s another thing to see them do it. France was embarrassed in the first round of the Euro, Patrick Viera fought with his teammate Patrice Evra and manager Raymond Domenech proposed to his girlfriend after France’s elimination to deflect attention from their abject failure. However we’re not just talking about the players and the manager. It looks like everyone in the FFF including the coach driver bought into losing as a team.

via Ollie at Who Ate All The Pies

When You Don’t Know What You’re Doing Goes Right

It was only a year and a half ago that a collective scream of horror rose from thousands of bars and homes at the end of the 2007 Fiesta Bowl. It wasn’t a scream of excitement over the amazing game. It was a scream of horror as Boise State running back Ian Johnson proposed to his girlfriend immediately after the win.

“What the hell are you doing?? Think about what you’re doing!! Your stock’s never going to be higher!! You idiot!!”

The proposal was only topped by Chris Myers’ efforts to ruin the surprise. You may have agreed or disagreed with the timing of Johnson’s proposal but there’s no question it was strong. France manager Raymond Domenech got the wrong idea.

France was hustled out of Euro 2008 like Tracy McGrady out of the first round and Domenech thought it would be a great idea to propose to his lady friend during the post-match press conference.

“I have only one plan at the moment, it is to marry Estelle, ” Domenech said when asked about whether he felt he had a future as France coach.

“And it is only this evening that I ask for her hand in marriage.

“I know it is difficult, but it is in moments like these that one has need of everyone, and I need her. “

Now that’s a winning proposal. “Hey baby, my name is Raymond Domenech and I just oversaw the rape of France by the Netherlands, Italy AND Romania. I’m about to lose my job and move back in with my parents. So you wanna make this forever or what?” It worked for George Costanza so it should work for Domenech. Right? Right? … Hello?