At Least Michael Phelps Hasn’t Done This

Former elite Australian national swimmer Simon Partridge has retired from swimming at 21 and has decided to “let his hair down”. Apparently this includes dropping trou to show off a G-string with a donkey face right over his goods to his friends while on a train. That incident offended the other passengers a bit and got him arrested and fined over a thousand dollars for his discretion. Best thing about his crime? He had just gotten arrested 4 days earlier and was out on bond.

So, for as much flack as Michael Phelps has gotten in the past year…i mean, least he hasnt done this? Although, you can’t fault a man for wanting to rock a donkey g string. Who hasn’t felt the allure of wanting to wear a thin pair of g stringed undergarments with an animal on ? Am I right or am I right? Wait…I’m not right. Damn.

From Illawarra Mercury

Michael Phelps Should Just Stop Driving

Olympic God and personal disaster Michael Phelps has crashed his car into another car on Thursday night. I’m beginning to wonder why, with all his money, he just doesnt get a driver in a car with heavily tinted windows (to hide the bong use of course). This is the second traffic incident Phelps has had since his Olympic medal domination, the first resulted in a DWI.

Apparently Phelps hit some chick’s Honda with his Escalade and you know who wins that battle. Phelps and passengers were unscathed, the Honda driver was taken to the hospital and released. Police are investigating, alcohol is believed to not be a factor…but its also rumored Phelps blew through a red light and hit the car.

Seriously, this guy needs to just go back to the lake he came from. Its not our fault this merman missed adolescence because he spent all of his days and nights in water! Leave us alone! Go back from whence you came! Stop causing our children to cry!

From ESPN

How About Some Herpes With That Beer Pong Championship Trophy?

Michael Phelps might want to take a trip to the free clinic after reading this. All you Beirut players may want to think about rocking dental dams the next time you get up on that table. This just in from the CDC. “Unprotected beer pong play is nearly as dangerous as unprotected sex.”

Beer pong aficionados can pick up random diseases such as the flu, mono and a lil’ thang called herpes. Our intrepid Daily Collegian reporter says chances are fairly slim that the diseases will be caught but “it is not impossble”. Sounds like she has a different opinion than the experts at the CDC. I’m going with the college reporter. I like her odds better.

Photo: Boosh Magazine

Michael Phelps probably doesn’t need this endorsement.

This Announcer Has A Firm Grasp of History

Its difficult to really understand what on EARTH announcer Willie Oviedo was thinking when he came up with this Anchorman like Olympics history lesson.